Friday, April 27, 2012

Very upset today.  Have had a stray can hanging around here for about a week, eating my kitty's food, sleeping in their bed (the one in the garage), basically making himself at home.  He is a young cat, not a kitten, just can tell.  I have two cats of my own her and my mom has one and they were terrified of the interloper, even though never really threatened them. You could tell he was starved not only for food but for company because he was very sweet, especially to humans,  wrapping around you leg and purring if you'd let him get close.  I surmised that he had been somebody's cat but nobody around the 'hood claimed him.  I saw him cross the highway a couple of times, no mean feat for a feline, as this road is one of the busiest in the county at certain times of the day.  For some reason my two sweet boys (both neutered) kept away from him and my little girl was petrified every time he came close to her.  My cats were hiding in the shrubbery and straying farther from their usual backyard haunts. Not his fault, just the way cats are with a newcomer sometimes.

Anyway, I will spare the details but he is gone today and my already sad and wounded heart has just about broken over this abandoned, thrown away cat.    Did I see myself in that forlorn little animal?  I can't stop weeping for is like he represents everything that I seem to be these days....lost, alone, hungry for something that I can't quite put my finger on, depending on the kindness of others instead of myself because my resources are so depleted I have almost nothing left of myself to depend on?  What is going to happen to me, I wonder?  What indeed.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

The Great Mystery

I wrote this about a month before Dave died and never published it.  I thought it was time.....
Suddenly a sadness has overcome me with the realization that my life here at New Moon Farm is quickly coming to an end. I have such wonderful memories of how Dave and I started this little organic farm. On a shoestring, with nothing more than a lot of grand ideas and a dream, we began what would be a decade long odyssey pursuing something that meant the world to both of us.

In the beginning, we had no intention of turning this into a working organic farm. We only wanted to be as sustainable as possible, grow our own organic food and be as "off grid" and self sufficient as we could manage. And we did a pretty good job of it, too. Dave called this New Moon Farm because, as I have quoted before, the new moon in Native American culture signifies new beginnings and endless possibilities and that resonated with us both.

Also, as a very spiritual man, Dave liked the idea that the new moon also represented "The Great Mystery" (God, if you will). Everything that he ever did here was thought out with the guiding hand of that Higher Power in every word and deed. He didn't go to church because he didn't feel comfortable with listening to the subject matter in most of the sermons being given. He believed that to truly find God you had to look within yourself.

He also strongly believed that the clergy had a responsibility and the perfect opportunity to speak to the many growing environmental concerns and overall abuse of this beautiful planet by mankind, as well as man's abuse of himself. It was his opinion that the clergy had influence that would encourage people to pay attention and that the opportunity was being wasted by the vast majority of them. That bothered him a lot and so he chose to be close to the Great Spirit in the earth, the sky, the sea and the wind. He also refused to refer to God as anything but the Creator, the Great Spirit or the Universe but his reasons for that were deeply personal and I won't go into that here. 

Dave was the most spiritual man I have ever known. His intuitive nature enabled him to see things with such clarity that sometimes he astounded me with the depth of his preceptions.  He told me many times that he felt the Presence within himself when he was out working in the fields. Every seed he planted, every spade of dirt he turned, he did in service to God and to his fellow man. That was a pretty powerful motivation for him and it guided every thing that he did in the gardens. He has such a respect for all living things that he said a small prayer each time he turned under a spent crop, thanking it for providing for us.  

He planted by the signs, spiritual ones, that were as clear to him as if they had been written in a manual on how to grow using the Creator's hand.  I wish I had the level of awareness that he had in matters like that.  All I can do is focus on remembering what he taught me over the years and hope that what I do makes him proud.